Why Death has been a Great Teaching

Hello and welcome to another episode of The Bearded Mystic Podcast, and I'm your host, Rahul N Singh. Uh, so it's been some time since I've obviously, uh, recorded a podcast and kinda spent some time. Uh, I know that I kinda promised in the last one that we would-- I would do more episodes and just life got busy. And actually, a lot has changed in my life since the last time I recorded an episode. Since then, um, you know, I, um, I lost my dad. Uh, he died, uh, last month and It's been an interesting journey in grief in the sense of Obviously there's the pain of missing that person, knowing that that person will no longer be able to, you know, be on a video call or, uh, or just seek that person's advice and seek that person's kind of, um, just general chitchat. And one has to come to terms with, well, what is really lost in this time and in this moment. And what I've observed in this month since, um, dad's died is coming to terms with, uh, facing that loss and facing that loss really directly and, and looking at it and observing, well, what is coming up here. And sometimes it's the fact that we are addressing the loss, we're addressing the, the regrets, we're addressing, you know, we wish that something would've happened or we wish that we could've done this, we wish that we were quicker on this or… And all these thoughts come up, uh, and What I've realized is that these thoughts are kind of like a layer of the ego that expected something different, would like something different, but at the same time there is this awareness that I couldn't change anything and I can't change anything. But I can deal with and I can be at peace with whatever I'm feeling right now. So when I feel sad, I can be at peace at feeling sad. When I'm feeling happy, I can feel at peace at being happy. And there's lots of positive things that happen from this. One, you know, it was obvious that my dad's body was suffering. Uh, and thanks to modern, uh, medicine, uh, that suffering can be reduced. And, uh, he didn't have to stay long in comfort care. That's a blessing. Uh, and in the end, the timing was perfect. I was able to be there during the final moments. There's a lot for me to be grateful for, and I wasn't robbed of that. You know, time and space couldn't rob me of that, and that's a positive. And it's interesting, we never see grief as something positive. We always see it as a negative feeling or a sad feeling, or we see sadness as a bad thing. When you just see it as an expression of the mind, you just let it be. And I think that's the biggest comfort I have found is just letting things be. And you do that more when you're kind of actually just in the present moment, when you don't let your thoughts spiral you into some sort of emotion. So when you're in that emotion, you're not getting drowned in it, you're not getting hurt by it, you're not getting affected by it, and so you just let the emotions be. And I have found that the teachings that, you know, I've expressed in, uh, these episodes have been beneficial when it comes to dealing with the loss I even remember during the time, uh, when the doctor came in to say, "Dad, uh, you know, is no longer with us." Uh, and, you know, to be fair, I don't know how long Dad had been dead for, to be honest with you, um, because it took some time for the doctors to come in. But regardless of the timing, uh, whenever that was announced, uh, obviously I just felt this sudden crash of emotions. I, I, I could feel the crashing happening. And then at the same time, there was this awareness that was like, "One second. Uh, before you crash, let's just, um, do our prayer, our Sumiran, our remembrance, and remember our true nature in this time." And, and that strength came from, I could only say from something other than me, the story of Rahul, the, the son that had lost a dad, and it came from something else. And I recognized that. And in that moment, uh, when we did the prayer, it just felt right. It felt like this was the right thing to do, because it's very easy to drown ourselves in grief and think of just the loss that we've had. And yet it's interesting. Instead of seeing … And what I felt was really interesting was that memories are not loss, actually. They're the things that you still have. And all the memories of Dad came up, and I realized That he meant a lot more to me than I ever anticipated. And, uh, and he was a complex person. So there w- you know, I mentioned this at the funeral. There's lots of things I loved about him, there's lots of things I did not like about him. But in the end, he is definitely, and will remain, a massive reason why my … A massive cause behind my spirituality. And I will never forget that. And for that, you know, he only added to my life. Uh, he, uh … In fact, you know, I always thought my dad was kind of money-minded because whenever he had a chance he would talk about money. But it was interesting, um, but a lot of the times with me, uh, even though there may be a topic about money, there will also be a lot of spiritual conversation. And in the end, all I can say is that that added to my life. He, he, he didn't, uh, he didn't leave me at a loss in any way. And he, he kinda gave me a doorway into this type of wisdom where I'm able to deal with grief in a very controlled, in a very natural manner actually. When I say controlled, maybe more natural, in the sense of I'm not denying my feelings and neither am I allowing myself to spiral in those feelings. So the moment, uh, I'm in those feelings, I feel them. But the moment I realize that I am a witness to these feelings, I'm the observer, I come to peace. And, uh, and then I realize And it, it's not like the feelings disappear straight away. Th- there's, they're there. But the more one remains as the witness or as consciousness, you've realized actually nothing was gained or lost in this moment because What I was seeing was just a reflection of that consciousness. And so dad's true nature and my true nature is one and the same, and it always has been and will always be because that true nature of consciousness does not disappear when somebody goes or when someone, uh, comes into your life. So it's-- And this is obviously after understanding somewhat this wisdom. Prior to understanding this wisdom, this doesn't sound like anything. It's more probably wishy-washy than anything. Um, but when you realize it, when you experience it, then, then it makes sense. So although, yes, I've, um, I'm dealing with loss, um, I'm also dealing with loss with gratitude that, uh, I got to spend the final moments with dad. I got to be there for the funeral, and it was all natural timing, um, somewhat divine timing i-in my opinion. Like, I had no contro- like, I look back at the whole events and none of it makes sense to me. The timing of when I decided when I'll come back from England, when I'll go to England, everything seemed to have been perfect. And it's really weird to say that because, look, my dad was gonna die anyway. But to be there during that last, you know, three weeks of his life is a blessing and an honor, and I think nobody can take that away from me. And, uh, all I felt during those, um, during that time was Was that I was able to just be present. I think that's really everything. So, um, I don't think, um, yeah, I don't think I have, um, much to say other than, you know, a lot of people say, you know, love your-- make sure you love your, your dear ones. Make sure you, you know, you show your love to your loved ones. Everyone says these things. But I think it's more important to learn how to deal with grief, how to deal with loss in a more measured way, uh, when the time is right. Uh, you know, for example, there were times when I would allow myself to feel the emotions and break, uh, and have a breakdown and, and feel absolutely comfortable. But remembering that There is nothing but pure consciousness here. And when I wanted to feel the physical loss, I allowed myself to feel the physical loss. So what I'm trying to say here is that don't deny feelings. Uh, Advaita or, you know, non-dual wisdom never tells us to deny those feelings or to avoid those feelings or to attract those feelings. You just let things be as natural as possible. And, uh, and that is again, a blessing. So during this time, I would al- even say that my support system has been great. Like, um, so many, uh, people, part of the community that's been so helpful. Um, even a member of, uh, you know, a listener of this podcast was very, um, supportive during this time and, you know, uh, and has been… And I think having that sense of community, having that sense of, uh, loved ones and friends who are with you during this process is so important. Um, and I think this is possibly one thing where I say society, uh, needs to understand that, yes, although we are individuals, when we have a community, we can deal with things a lot better. And when we take comfort in the community, we can actually find strength that's not just our own, but discover that strength that others are showing to us and showing that this is a possibility within you. And so, uh, and then just obviously remembering your true nature is so important in these times, uh, because again Uh, our time on this earth is so limited that it's very i- in my opinion, very important to understand that jivan-mukti is the purpose and is the goal. You know, one thing that was beautiful about Dad's death was he remembered his true nature right to the end, and that they say is a blessing to have, that you remember the Lord at the end. You know, Sri Krishna talks about it in the Bhagavad Gita that, um, you know, "The one that remembers me at the end", meaning him as true consciousness, as pure consciousness, that, that, um, that one enters into him or o- one merges into him or one i- is one with him. And in a way, we are dying every second. So if we understand that teaching, then we need to be in remembrance of our true nature, abiding in Formless Awareness as much as possible. So that's the important message that I wanna, uh, lead with here, um, a- and leave you with, that remember that your true nature is the most important thing. And, uh, having that sense of community to help you grow, to help you sustain your faith, and help you to sustain your devotion is very important. And never use loss as a reason to go away from spirituality or to, uh, lose that connection to the community. It's really important to maintain that. And, you know, it's very easy for maya or disappearance to take hold of you. Um, you know, I, I have felt it, but you know, it's really important to just let ourselves be more spiritual during this time and allow that spiritual teaching to marinate within us and to allow it to grow. Uh, so that's really all I wanted to share today. And, uh, obviously I'm just trying to think of ways to express more or share more on this podcast. Uh, but I just wanna say thank you. Uh, thank you to those that helped me during, uh, and are helping me during this time. I'm thankful to my Satguru, to my guru, and to, um, uh, to Satguru Mata Ji and to Nirankar Raj Pitaji for their help in this and for their love and support. Um, and you see, love is really so formless in the sense of you don't need sometimes physical touch to help you. Um, sometimes it's just that message and that feeling that that message gives you can sometimes make you feel better anyway. Um, grateful to my family, um, you know, whether that's my brothers, whether that's, um, my mom, whether that's, you know, obviously my son, um, my, as I say, in-laws, but they're my own parents. Um, to, obviously to my wife. Uh, most importantly my wife because in the end that's who I share most of my feelings with and, a- and that's whom I confide in in a lot of, uh, things that I deal with. So just, uh, and then just close friends, um, of the satsang that I go to. Um, they know who they are and, um, you know, just grateful for their support and their love during this time. They… It's given me strength to deal with the everyday, um, kind of, uh, everyday kinda living with this grief. You know, no one can bring Dad back and, um, and nothing, no circumstance can bring Dad back. But… And, and, and that physical manifestation is gone now, and this is the perfect time to learn detachment and, uh, to detach even from emotions now, in the sense of if I still have that longing to see him again, that means I, I just maintained a physical connection to Dad. And it's interesting because during the last few months with Dad, uh, I kinda spoke about Nij Gar, which means the inner home, and I kept saying to Dad, "You know, you know your inner home, so why are you worried about death?" And I would keep, uh, whenever he would mention it in a negative way, like death, I would say, "Well, why are you scared? You know your true nature." And I would keep talking to him like that. And- Ultimately, if I realize my own Nij Gur, I'm never far from my dad. I'm always, in fact, one with dad because we've always been this one consciousness at all times and we don't have this, uh, appearance of separation at all, and neither is there this sense of unity because there's only oneness. And so it's a very deep teaching and again, only life's, uh, experience can actually take you there. So again, super grateful. S- uh, grateful to everyone. And again, uh, I just pray that if you are going through a time like this where it's tough for you, uh, just remember that, um, you can always send me a message. I will always respond back, um, sometimes delayed, but I do respond back and I just want you to know that, um, whether we meet in person or whether you just listen to me and that's all you do is like listen to my podcast and I've never spoken to you directly, just know that I also love you and, uh, and even if… Well, there's no point in saying to those that don't listen to the podcast I love you 'cause they're not gonna hear it, but I love them too. Uh, so just the greatest feeling you can give to anyone is to make them feel loved and cared for, cared for, and to have compassion in your heart for them. And I think That's the most important thing that I've learnt in this time as well. So lots of things I've learnt and I've shared with you and, uh, just, um, it's just wonderful to be back to share things with you and hopefully share more things with you, uh, as we go along with this podcast. Thank you very much for listening. Take care. Namaste.